Have you ever actually thought about how twisted the stories are in Ovid’s Metamorphoses?  Think about it:

• - A god turns into a virile bull so that he can abduct/seduce a naive princess by whisking her across the sea, during which time she falls in love with him (that is, the bull)
• - The most beautiful man in the world falls in love with a naked goddess but is mauled by a boar, dies, but turns into a flower
• - A satyr challenges the god of music to a music competition but loses and is skinned alive

The examples are endless and I’ve concluded that Ovid is not for kids.  But one of the most insane stories is that of Jupiter/Zeus and Danaë and their eventual son, Perseus.  Below are two paintings of this totally whack story.  Can you decipher the narrative?  [Hint: it’s a golden shower of a different sort… see our entries on Lotto and Zucchi for a recap of what that exactly means…]

Jan Gossaert, Danaë Receiving the Shower of Golden Rain, 1527, oil on panel.  Alte Pinakothek, Munich

Titian, Danaë, 1546, oil on canvas.  Museo nacional del Prado, Madrid

Technically, Danaë was locked in an underground chamber by her psycho father but neither artist chose that setting for the paintings above.  Jupiter, the king of the gods, fell in love with the girl and instead of turning into a white bull or a golden eagle, he decides to transform into a mild shower of golden rain.  I’m sorry, he did what?!?  That’s right, since the underground chamber was impregnable (wait for the incoming pun), Jupiter stormed into the room in the form of golden coins as if ready to hit the slot machines in Vegas!  The unsuspecting Danaë welcomed the shower and quickly became pregnant with a son, who would grow up to become the great Medusa-slayer hero, Perseus.  Only a truly f’ed up mind could come up with this story.

Since the two paintings above are too sanitary to catch the attention of sleepy-eyed Monday morning viewers, I leave you with Gustav Klimt’s version (Remember him?  The guy obsessed with female masturbation?)

Gustav Klimt, Danaë, 1907-1908, oil on canvas.  Leopoldmuseum, Vienna